Monday, February 21, 2011

Twilight: I poke fun because I love

For me, the fun of the Twilight movies doesn’t come only from the story or the cast, it’s in the little details.  The details that make me smile, and the ones that I love to hate. I’m not talking about the fugly wigs and bad costumes (though god knows, the movies certainly have their share of those) or even the scenes that Melissa Rosenberg and Cougar Cathy destroyed or left out altogether.  I’m talking about the strange little things that make me say “What the?” “Are you kidding me?” or “Did you even read the book?”

Basically, this is my WTF list for Twilight*.

*I reserve the right to add to this list at any time.

The Kid in the Gym
Unknown child in gym class

On Bella’s first day at Forks HS, who is the kid running around in the gym, and why? Seriously, go check it out if you don't believe me. I'll wait.

See, I told you!  If anyone can shed some light on this, I’d really appreciate it!

 Emmett's eggs
what's with the bag of eggs Emmett?

In general, I don’t like how much Cougar Cathy continuously showed the Cullen’s pretending to eat while in the cafeteria. But mostly I just wonder about the bag of boiled eggs Emmet is carrying in the “first sight” scene.

The Ketchup Bottle 
What exactly is she doing?
This makes me fear for the Precious’ glorious p33n!!!

Hey, did you get contacts?
Edward's bum. Sweet.

While I giggle at Edward getting all uncomfortable and flustered, and ultimately walking away when Bella asks him about his eyes, this is something that Edward Cullen just wouldn’t do.  Ever!

But I won't complain too hard, since I get to watch Edward's bum walking away. SIGH.

Flashback meal 
Um, the clothes are very entertaining and all, but why are all four of you sharing a deer?
Anyone? Anyone?

I. Just. Don’t. Get. It.

It's Time
If timing is everything, then you fail.

Apparently Melissa Rosenberg and Cougar Cathy think we are all too stupid to understand what “seeing the future” means, and thus has included “it’s time” AFTER the lightening and subsequent clap of thunder.

 Victoria at the Prom
What. The. Fuck.

This is my biggest WTF moment of the whole series thus far. WHY THE FUCK IS VICTORIA AT THE PROM? 

Someone, Melissa or Cathy, or both, obviously failed Twilight 101. Where we all  learned about the amazing senses vampires have.

And our lovely Edward is equipped with even more than the average, he can read minds.  If Victoria were there then Edward would hear her and smell her.  Hell, even if she had been there earlier but had already left, he would still smell her.  Yet there she is at the punch table, in her ugly furry coat-wrap-whatever-thingy. FAIL!!!

Yet even with all that. I FLOVE Twilight. Unconditionally and irrevocably.

Here are just a few of the reasons why. Or the one reason. Whatever.