Monday, February 21, 2011

Twilight: I poke fun because I love

For me, the fun of the Twilight movies doesn’t come only from the story or the cast, it’s in the little details.  The details that make me smile, and the ones that I love to hate. I’m not talking about the fugly wigs and bad costumes (though god knows, the movies certainly have their share of those) or even the scenes that Melissa Rosenberg and Cougar Cathy destroyed or left out altogether.  I’m talking about the strange little things that make me say “What the?” “Are you kidding me?” or “Did you even read the book?”

Basically, this is my WTF list for Twilight*.

*I reserve the right to add to this list at any time.

The Kid in the Gym
Unknown child in gym class

On Bella’s first day at Forks HS, who is the kid running around in the gym, and why? Seriously, go check it out if you don't believe me. I'll wait.

See, I told you!  If anyone can shed some light on this, I’d really appreciate it!

 Emmett's eggs
what's with the bag of eggs Emmett?

In general, I don’t like how much Cougar Cathy continuously showed the Cullen’s pretending to eat while in the cafeteria. But mostly I just wonder about the bag of boiled eggs Emmet is carrying in the “first sight” scene.

The Ketchup Bottle 
What exactly is she doing?
This makes me fear for the Precious’ glorious p33n!!!

Hey, did you get contacts?
Edward's bum. Sweet.

While I giggle at Edward getting all uncomfortable and flustered, and ultimately walking away when Bella asks him about his eyes, this is something that Edward Cullen just wouldn’t do.  Ever!

But I won't complain too hard, since I get to watch Edward's bum walking away. SIGH.

Flashback meal 
Um, the clothes are very entertaining and all, but why are all four of you sharing a deer?
Anyone? Anyone?

I. Just. Don’t. Get. It.

It's Time
If timing is everything, then you fail.

Apparently Melissa Rosenberg and Cougar Cathy think we are all too stupid to understand what “seeing the future” means, and thus has included “it’s time” AFTER the lightening and subsequent clap of thunder.

 Victoria at the Prom
What. The. Fuck.

This is my biggest WTF moment of the whole series thus far. WHY THE FUCK IS VICTORIA AT THE PROM? 

Someone, Melissa or Cathy, or both, obviously failed Twilight 101. Where we all  learned about the amazing senses vampires have.

And our lovely Edward is equipped with even more than the average, he can read minds.  If Victoria were there then Edward would hear her and smell her.  Hell, even if she had been there earlier but had already left, he would still smell her.  Yet there she is at the punch table, in her ugly furry coat-wrap-whatever-thingy. FAIL!!!

Yet even with all that. I FLOVE Twilight. Unconditionally and irrevocably.

Here are just a few of the reasons why. Or the one reason. Whatever.


  1. I saw everyone one of those except the kid running around the gym.. but I'll take your word for that one... and yet.. with all it's quirkyness... I fluv this movie :)... It will remain my favorite of the series... always...

  2. Hahaha HOW did I miss all of this?!?! The eggs, the kid in the gym, the fact that Edward would have KNOWN that Victoria was at the prom, the ketchup bottle, etc?!?! Clearly, I need to watch Twilight again. Although I do love me some flusterward. That part is awesomeness although you're right, it wouldn't be something he would do. After being a vampire for 107 years or however old he is (I fail at details) you would think he'd have answers ready for when people ask him questions like why his eyes change color.

    Awesome post! :)

  3. yes, yes, and yes!

    I NEVER saw the eggs! Or the guy running around in the gym! Another reason to watch Twilight...again. ;)

    This post is hilarious.

    Totes agree about Victoria being at prom and NO ONE noticing, c'mon. SM where was your logic then? And why didn't Victoria just pounce on them in the gazebo?

    Also, agree about the ketchup bottle - lol!

  4. These are awesome...but my biggest WTF Twilight is a SM fail as much as Rosenburg & the Cougar. Its really more of a question: Why the fuck are Edward's eyes still gold after almost sucking Bella dry?!? Shouldn't they be a creepy-yet-fuck-hawt red? This is also an SM fail in BD, btw. Just sayin.

  5. THANK YOU for noticing all those WTF moments too!!! My twi-daughter and I saw Twilight about a trillion times in the theater and could never figure them out either. My favorite is Emmett's eggs :)

  6. Hilarious!

    As for the kid in the gym--wait that wasn't Dakota Fanning? lol

    The eggs did crack me up first time I saw it. I showed hubby and was like, "Are they playing golf after lunch? Are those golf balls?" But hubby pointed out they are eggs. that what Kellan eats as part of a Taylor L-like high protein diet? Or were they just a prop? Whose idea ever would it be to think, "so the beefcake would be carrying around a bag of eggs." But then you think about Cougar Cathy and you realize she probably has a story about a guy she went to college with that carried around a bag of eggs just like the 'crazy pyramid' college story of hers that Eric was telling.

    Loved your Alice wtf moment--hadn't picked up on that!

  7. Hahaha. Very good! Didn't notice some of those.

    I did a post over on TwiKiwi a while back about this, but can't be bothered finding you a link now. Basically, the top two peeves I can think of right now are these:

    1. Bella's nasal prongs on her O2 tubing when she's in hospital. They move up and down all over her face. Continuity, people!!

    2. Caius/Marcus (which is which?) anyway, the one on the left, has no socks on in the Volterra scenes in New Moon. You've been alive for a thousand years buddy, put some freakin socks on. It's just wrong.

    Rant over.

  8. Hahaha! Fantastic post! The ketchup bottle gets me every time. And the nasal tube dancing all over Bella's face!

    The other thing I've only just noticed is in the cafeteria scene. Why all all the other Cullens in shades of white / grey and Edward's all in black? What's all that about?

    Oh, thanks for the lovely pics of the Prettay ;-)

    CC x

  9. I made the mistake of googling Twilight movie mistakes and checking out some site. Now every time I watch it I see those things. Things that I would have been oblivious to, but now it's all I see. Annoying. Lesson learned. I won't do that again.

  10. Wait, I didn't mean the stuff in the post was what I saw after that google search. *shakes head at self* That was all inconsistencies, like character and props positioning. Like the oxygen tubes TwiKiwi50 mentioned.

  11. I love your observations and I concur on each and every one of them!! I mean, seriously? Why does Emmet need a whole bag of hard boiled eggs that he IS NOT going to eat?? Weird. I also laugh at the ketchup scene (not sure why), but now it will totally be related to this post and me thinkig about KStew handling the p33n. Wow.

  12. OK, Smitten, now ALL I want to do is look up the movie mistakes. Why have I not done that before? And how much would it bug me when I watched the movies from now on if I googled it now? These questions are going to haunt me all night.

    The ketchup bottle gets me every time. Mostly because she NEVER gets any ketchup out of it! She just, like, waves it over her fires. What is this, condiments by osmosis? One way to save on calories, I guess.

    I flove flusterward, but you're totally right that it's not a true-to-Edward reaction.

    This is why I love the rifftrax - they point out weird shit like this sometimes, and it's hilarious.

    LOL! w/v "cerses" - Victoria's at the prom: cerses on CHard!

  13. I have asked WTF in all of those scenes too. The first three times I saw the movie, I thought Rosalie was a super girly looking Jasper in the flashback scene where the Cullens are sharing that poor little deer.

  14. Just dropping by to stare at Edward's bum! I'd fogotten how much seriously sweey eye candy you had on here.


Something (for me) to look forward to!